my heart is closed

image“My heart is closed”

“Christiana” survives years of sexual abuse and like so many others, effectively shut down her emotional center as a coping response to protect herself.

The shock of sexual abuse caused Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and an increasing inability to trust others, especially men. All intimacy or physical contact can feel like molestation. She developed the limiting beliefs that she is unworthy of anything other than what she has experienced. As according to the universal law of attraction she created a life that mirrored abuse, neglect and abandonment. She has been married for 20 years in a relationship that completely lacks tenderness and intimacy.

It’s understandable why she, like so many other survivors of physical, sexual, emotional or war-related trauma, continue to cope by separating themselves from their emotions. The emotional center has but one door, shutting the door to pain also shuts the door to pleasure.

Now, not only does she deal with the inability to feel love and be loved, her self degradation is compounded by the shame of this lack. How can she attract love, be worthy of love, if she cannot allow herself to feel love?

In just a couple sessions I have been witness to her transformation from persistent pain to passionate self-pride.

But still, “My heart is closed,” she says.

In this session we are awakening the receptivity of each body layer.
Through the powerful ecstatic energy we guide her being into a state of receptivity.
Starting from the Muladhara Chakra, “I felt a literal opening, physically, deep in my body.” She exclaims. We work our way up through the channels, opening, awaking, allowing her to unite with her own presence and pleasure, until we come to the heart.

“My heart is closed.”

As Spirit moves me to bring her to an altered state, I become “Christiana” and she becomes her heart center. We speak to each other. Her heart is closed because it is scared.
Why? Because it doesn’t believe it is safe.

As Christiana, I asked her heart what it needs to feel safe. It quietly murmurs that it needs to feel love, to be held, to be taken care of.

I lead the heart to speak to Christiana directly looking into her (my) eyes, stating it’s needs aloud, for her and the universe to hear, understand and respond to. This is harder than it seems for those of us that are not in the habit of stating our deepest heart-need, and it’s powerful work.

I see love as a two-pronged fork. Love is the 100 % complete acceptance of someone, no matter what they do, or say, or how they show up that day. Love is the overwhelming desire to nurture someone, to nourish them with only the best for their highest selves and nothing that isn’t the best for their highest selves.

It’s beautiful to offer someone such love. It’s transcending to offer yourself the same thing.

After she comes back into her more common state of consciousness, we calmly chat about the experience. I ask her why her heart might feel that way, perhaps she doesn’t normally take conscious care of her heart’s needs. I ask her if she could love and care for her heart the way I described.

In a moment of stunning conscious realization she sees the pattern and how easy it is to is to change.

All she needs to do, she realizes, is to not do those things that make her heart feel bad.
It’s like the doctor in the joke, it hurts when I do this… Then don’t do it.

“It’s that simple.” She silently shakes her head in disbelief of how she has treated herself all those years ignoring her heart. We all say we take care of ourselves, but we don’t really. When our words don’t match our actions our being suffers. By offering her self unconditional love, no matter how she sees herself, her heart will feel loved. By checking in with her actions, feeling resonance and doing only that which truly nourishes her heart, it will feel tended to, held, cared for. And that makes all the difference.

I remember on my own path many years ago, I was working in a job that didn’t match my hearts longing, I was in a relationship that was not feeding my heart, I was living in constant friction running counter-current to my heart-needs, drowning my crying heart with distractions and inappropriate coping responses. When I finally listened, accepted the responsibility for my own peace, love and joy, and changed those things in my life that did not nourish my heart, my self love skyrocketed. I became both adept and eager to allow all the pleasure I desired and I knew I deserved into my life, and the universe responded.

Whether you are battling dis-ease in the form of past trauma, limiting beliefs or ingrained habits that do not serve your heart, you can change.

Learn to listen to your physical and energetic bodies.
Learn the difference between messages from the heart and excuses from the mind.

You can love and nourish yourself into a life of everyday ecstasy.

You can open your heart to love,
to loving and being loved,
experiencing love and expressing love,
like you’ve never before imaged.

Awaken the power of passionate presence.


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